2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
4. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
5. Never answer an anonymous letter.
6. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
7. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
8. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
9. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
10. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
11. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
12. Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.
13. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
15. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
16. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
17. The severity if the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
18. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
19. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
20. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
21. 42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
22. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
23. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
24. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
25. Don't steal, the government hates competition.
26. National Atheist Day: April 1st.
27. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
28. This statement is false.
29. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
30. The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
31. The Big Bang Theory: God spoke, and BANG! it happened.
32. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
33. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
34. A day without sunshine is like night.
35. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!!
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
38. If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
39. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
40. Evolution: true science fiction.
Got these from a pamphlet at the fair. There were 101 but I just put 40 that I liked. Enjoy!! I like the National Atheist day one. The only thing is, though, that Ayden was born on April 1st. I would hate to have his birthday be on National Atheist Day. Otherwise, it would be great on April 1st.
3 comments:
Lisa, those are so hilarious. We really enjoyed them. Thank you.
Aren't they just the best? "Atheism is a non-prophet organization." & "Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else"...are my favorites. I am so glad you pointed these out to us. I squirreled my away in my HUMOR file for future reference.
Funny but true.
So funny. I like the second mouse gets the cheese. These are so funny because they are true.
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