Education is Good, but....

Don't forget about marriage and family. I know many women that I love and respect, who are starting to get older and older, and are not married and have no kids. Some of them have high educational goals and career goals. Most of them have already graduated from college and will soon have 2nd and 3rd degrees. I am very impressed by them and how well they do. They talk about how they will get all these degrees and then have these wonderful careers. I have no doubt that they will be successful, but they are getting older and the window of marriage and reproductive years seems to be slowly slipping away. It really amazes me. I wonder why this is going on.

I think some of it is that education and careers are very very important in some families. It is very important in my family, but, it has to be balanced with other things. I think some people think that if you don't have a great career and lots and lots of education, you aren't a successful person. But what good is all that if you are alone. I think a small number of them don't want to grow up, and enjoy the parting on evenings and weekends, and the money that they can just spend on themselves. Others maybe think a good man is hard to find. Maybe they think they need to finish all their education before they marry. Maybe they haven't thought that sacrificing some education and career for a husband and children is a good idea. Many of them are approaching their 30s, or already in their 30's. I remember that my oldest was born when I was 29yrs old, and I felt that was kind of old for my first child (which is why I had them so close together). It also takes time to date a man and know if he is good marriage quality. If he is not, you need to look again. It can be a long process. Also, sometimes it takes a long time to get pregnant, especially the older you get, the harder it is.

Some women are just not lucky, and are open to all this, but the opportunity doesn't come, so they work on their career and education. That is a good thing. I would have done that myself. However, it seems like this is not the case with most of them. Some of them seem like they want to stay 22 forever. Others just put a high value on career and education, and put off the commitment of marriage.

I feel sorry for these women. I feel like they are missing out on so much in their lives. It is good to get an education, but there is so much more to life. Having a husband and children is a wonderful (and exhausting) thing. I think having these experiences really change a person. The burden of big responsibilities can make a person grow. It is hard, but the rewards are wonderful.

Don't get me wrong. This is so much better than girls who get pregnant at 16, drop out of HS, and get on welfare their whole lives. Or people who get married too early when they are not ready. They are on the opposite side of the spectrum.

I wonder if maybe they don't see the value of marriage and family. It seems like the world is not very respectful to this. I went to another gathering, and everyone kept asking me what I did for a living. I told them I was a mom. They seemed surprised. Maybe the idea of staying home with your kids is strange to many people. It seems to not get a lot of respect. That is OK, I don't care what other people think because I am a stay-at-home mom. I like it, and I know it is the right thing to do. I like it because I am the guardian of my children. I know what they are doing, and I can protect them and teach them correct principles. I also usually like being with them. They are wonderful people. (Although there are those days when I wish they were all in day care all day long - only for one day. Those days are very rare.) It is wonderful to see them grow and learn. I would hate to be so busy working that I would miss all this.

Most of my friends are they same way. I have many friends who are not Mormons who are stay at home moms, or they work very few hours so they can be with their children. Some of these women were highly paid professionals, but now they are moms, and love it, and have no desire to go back to a career. I have a good friend who used to be a pharmacist. She was making a lot of money. She doesn't work, but keeps up her credentials (in case she ever needs to work again), but has no desire to ever work again. Her husband is a doctor, so she doesn't need to work for money. I really respect her for it. I have another friend who does work, but she wishes she did not need to. I also respect her, because I can tell that her children are the center of her life, and she sacrifices a lot for them. Her career is just for financial survival, but her children are the most important thing. I can tell, I think she is a wonderful mother. They never have day care, and I think she is really the one who suffers. Some of my friends are Full time moms now, but want to go back to a career someday. I may end up doing that myself in 12 years. We only get 18 short years with each child. I am too selfish to have someone else raise them. Once they are grown, we can do what ever we want.

I like what Dr. Laura says about this. Someone asked what to say when other people criticize them for staying home. She said that it is not worth arguing over, because they won't listen any way. The best thing to say is something like, "I know working is great, but look at him, he is so cute when he coos (insert favorite thing baby does here), and I am just too selfish to not be with him all day long. I just can't help myself. He is so cute."

I think as members of the church that being a stay at home mom is like tithing. If you do it, along with keeping the sabbath day holy, tithing, etc. you will be able to make the money you need, and save money, and do what is necessary to survive financially. Maybe that is something my friend doesn't understand. Of course, part of it is not spending too much money, and marrying a man who can support a frugal wife and their children.

I see this with my parents. They live down the street from a family they have been close friends with for years and years. The mother and father both worked, and they made more money than my parents. Yet years later, my parents are not in debt, and have an equally nice home. How could my parents come out equal or above them financially when they made more money than my parents. I think it is a kind of miracle combined with obedience, and frugality. Also, because my mother stayed home, none of the 5 children went inactive. Yet this other family has had problems with some of their children. That is not to say that children whose moms stay home and have nice homes don't go inactive, because it can happen. But I think it is less likely if you do these things.

Also, if a woman stays home, or at least makes children the absolute priority, her children will be much more likely to stay home (female) or have a wife that stays home (males). They can see the benefits of this in their lives growing up. Maybe these daughters won't end up like the women I mentioned at the beginning of this blog.

Sometimes I look at the situation I am in now, I am amazed. How could we be so prosperous with husband who is a teacher and me who doesn't work, also stupid financial mistakes of the past that have cost us tens of thousands. Maybe we have a money tree growing in the back yard. It think it is a kind of miracle. (Also, I think Heavenly Father is forgiving, and know we will make financhial mistakes as well.) Kind of like what I wrote about a little earlier.

Ossil is a good provider. I am really proud of him. I think it makes him feel good to be the provider. He is what a true man is. A man who stands up for what is right, has respect for women, provides and protects his family, and is a good father and husband. He does a great job. It seems that that is what really makes a man happy, not lots of money and lots of partying. These kind of men are heros to their families.

I hope the women I mentioned above can figure it our earlier than later. I wish them all the best, and hope that they don't miss out on the blessings of a family. I am thankful for this chance to be married and have children.

P.S. I was falling asleep tired when I wrote this. I am sure the grammar etc, is really bad. Sorry!